


he saved me first, you know

by claireandelide



Category: Howl's Moving Castle - All Media Types
Genre: Arts Major!Sophie, Chem Major!Howl, College AU, F/M, Slow Burn, based on the Miyazaki film
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-20
Packaged: 2019-08-01 18:06:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16289315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/claireandelide/pseuds/claireandelide
Summary: “To be honest, this all caught me off guard. When exactly did these feelings come up?”“I don’t know." Howl shrugged. "It kinda evolved. At first, it was selfish. I wanted to keep you close because you anchored me. You reminded me to clean mental cobwebs and keep everything in order. Then, I don’t know. Soon, I was worrying about you and if you’d eaten. You never eat when you have an assignment due and you always had an assignment. I started wanting to figure out what your favorite snacks were and trying to figure out how to get them to you.”Sophie paused. “I started to fall for you when it felt like our relationship had evolved into dancing. Like we each knew our steps and the beat. We suddenly knew each other so well. Being around you feels like a lullaby. But it's not like you put me to sleep. I’m just so calm. I just don’t have the words for it.”Sophie is sent to the Waste after an incident on campus. When Markl starts tutoring her, she meets Howl Pendragon and starts to unravel the mystic and gossip surrounding him. Sophie could never predict the way her life would change after a friendship with the PhD student. An ode to the Miyazaki adaption of "Howl's Moving Castle".





	1. here's a curse for you

**Author's Note:**

> title based on [this edit](http://calcifor.tumblr.com/post/142958916843/howl-i-know-how-to-help-you-now-find-me-in-the).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To all the design majors who know what it’s like to sprint to the end of the semester. Heavily based on my experiences having only design and stem friends at an engineering school.

“That’s what you’re wearing?” Lettie’s voice slid up an octave.

Sophie turned back to look at her younger sister.  She shrugged, her face neutral. She ignored her sister’s gaping mouth and the flush creeping onto Lettie’s face.

“I like it.”

“Sophie, you have the style of an 80-year-old woman.” Lettie flicked her sister’s braid and tugged on the green dress she chose.

“With my luck, I’ll transform into one.” Sophie in turn examined what her sister wore, a blue dress with a fit-and-flare. It accentuated her curves and made her blue eyes pop.

Sophie’s dress was an emerald green. It was the only color she felt she wear that didn’t emphasize her ghastly, pale skin was. It hung on her boyish figure like an oversized t-shirt. But, Sophie loved the ruffle that ran at the empire waistline. It was fancy enough for her.

“Mother won’t like that.”

“She can’t critique what she can’t see,” Sophie shot back, pulling on her peacoat.

“Won’t you at least let me do your makeup?” Lettie asked, pouting as her older sister shook her head.

Sophie was only going to their university’s formal so their stepmother would let Lettie go. She didn’t want to put in any more effort than was necessary.

“You look beautiful,” Sophie added smiling at her younger sister, the beauty.

Lettie smiled back, knowing why her older sister chose that moment to compliment her. She reapplied her lip gloss and smushed her lips to even the application. “Okay, let’s go.”

“Oh, are you girls off?” Their stepmother looked up from the television as they walked past the living room. “Have fun. Be safe.”

 

+

 

Sophie was mindful not to spill her drink.

The music was too loud and the lights kept changing.

Of course, she didn’t pay enough attention to realize the formal wasn’t a dinner. It was a dance.

There were a handful of tables. But, they were awkwardly set up with an odd number of chairs so she would always be the fifth or seventh wheel.

Not an option.

Sophie hoped that standing back and away from the dance would make it more bearable. It just meant she was at the open seas.

And, sharks were on the prowl.

“Looks like a little mouse has lost her way.”

Sophie snapped to attention. She registered two guys looming over her.

“I-I’m fine.” She jumped back.

“Do you want to dance?” His friend, the brunette, asked, leaning forward.

She shook her head, “I’m looking for my sister.”

The blond looked to his friend, smirking, “Your moustache scares all the girls.”

“C’mon, I don’t bite.” He stooped down to be at Sophie’s eye-level.

“There you are, starlight.” Someone placed his arm around Sophie’s shoulders and pulled her towards him.

Sophie looked up at him. He had tousled blond hair and tiny hoop earrings.

“Hey buddy, we were talking.”

“Ah, yes. But, I owe this lovely lady a dance and I don’t think she said she wanted to dance with you.” He caught her looking and winked.

_His eyes are so blue._

The blond opened his mouth again, but Mr. Starlight had begun leading her to the dance floor.

Sophie couldn’t think of a thing to say. Her gait felt awkward, taking two steps for every one of his. She should do something. Whisking her away from two creeps didn’t mean he wasn’t one himself.

“I--”

“We should get lost in the crowd in case they’re following us.” Mr. Starlight turned, “Do you see them?”

Sophie looked over her shoulder and saw the one with the moustache. “Yea.”

“Guys like that are _trash_. They lure girls away and assault them. You said you were looking for your sister. Do you know where she is?”

Sophie shook her head, pulling out her phone. “She’ll text me as soon as she gets the message.”

Mr. Starlight waited for Sophie to put her phone away. “Do you want to dance?”

Sophie gaped at him like a fish in oil. _Why on earth would someone so beautiful want to dance with me?_ “I don’t know how.”

“I could teach you.” He extended a hand towards her.

She tentatively placed her hand in his.

“You’ll take a step forward, then bring your feet together. Take a step back,  bring your feet together. Forward, together. Back, together.”

They started to move in that rhythm and Sophie begged her legs to comply.

“Look! You’re a natural!” Mr. Starlight exclaimed.

Sophie looked up at him and smiled. He spun her and she laughed as her dress flared in the motion.

_Who was he? Why was she so comfortable?_

Her phone chirped.

“That must be Lettie.” She let go of his hands and pulled her phone out of her purse. “She’s by the photographer.”

“That’s this way.” Mr. Starlight motioned and followed Sophie after letting her pass.

The stiffness from earlier was gone and shyness had taken its place. She felt Mr. Starlight’s hand ghost over her back.

_Was he going to trail her as protection?_

“There she is.” Sophie pointed, and Lettie waved after the flash went off. Sophie turned back to her dance partner. “I’ll wait here for her.”

He nodded, a smile crawling onto his face. “Well, I guess this is goodnight.” He bowed and Sophie bit back a laugh. “Farewell, then starlight.”

“Sophie!”

Sophie turned towards her sister for a moment and when she turned to say goodbye he was gone.

“Sophie!” Lettie took her sister’s arm. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine.” The daze in her own voice surprised Sophie.

“Were you talking to Howl?”

“Who?”

“Howl Pendragon? You should be careful around him?”

“Howl?” Sophie tilted her head. “How do you know him?”

“How are you so clueless? Haven’t you heard the rumors about him?”

“You know I don’t care about rumors.”

“He’s a heartbreaker. He preys on nice girls who don’t know any better like you.”

A frown planted on Sophie’s face. “He wouldn’t bother someone as plain as me.”

Lettie scoffed, “What are you talking about, Sophie? I think we should go home.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yea. I’ve had enough fun. And you’ve had enough excitement.”

Sophie kept thinking about what Lettie said.

Howl didn’t look like a bad guy. Why _would_ he bother with someone like her?

Heartbreaker?

Sophie paused. She thought of how he handled her while they danced like she was fragile. And, how he looked at her while he said goodnight. There was something about his expression that reminded her of a baby bird. The fear to approach another creature. Surely, such a frightened boy couldn’t break a heart.

 _But you felt his magnetism,_ she argued with herself. _You felt how willing you were to give him your heart._

How many hearts were broken because of cowardice?

 

+

 

_“I saw you flirting with Howl. You’ll want to watch your back.”_

Sophie didn’t catch that girl’s name. She just brushed it off. High school wasn’t so far away that she’d forgotten empty threats.

‘You’ll want to watch your back.’

Sophie stared at the damage in her on-campus studio. There was black paint everywhere. Sketches and models were marked. Canvases smashed. An easel in pieces.

Tears warred with the light blurring her vision.

She gripped the door knob. _I must be dreaming._

Lettie gasped carrying their lunch. “Sophie, what happened?”

Sophie fell to the ground and sobbed. “Everything’s ruined.” She stumbled over her breath. She looked at the pieces of her projects.

 

Structures 2.

Studio

Oil Painting 3

Advanced Visual Storytelling.

 

“It’s all ruined.”

“Should we clean-up?”

Sophie brushed off tears. Her voice croaked. “...I-I don’t know.”

“I’m getting Dr. Jones.”

 

+

 

Sophie should have been recreating her pieces. She knew it would be rude to work in the middle of this meeting. But, the deadlines had no manners. She tuned back into the conversation to hear her stepmother go for blood.

“Retaliation! For what?”

“Well Mrs. Hatter, it seems that’s what Dr. Jones --”

“What kind of security do you have at this school?”

Sophie looked at whatever dean drew the short straw and had to deal with parents. Security was a dangerous word after two cars were stolen on campus.

“W-well, did she lock the door?”

“Lock her door?” Mother scoffed at this. “Are you trying to put the blame on Sophie? What if she was in her studio still? The damage would have been far worse than some projects.”

He stuttered again before promising to find a solution. “But with exams coming, I’m sure Miss Hatter would understand if we conduct the appropriate next steps over Winter Break.”

Mother crossed her arms. “See to it that you do. Rest assured, my next meeting will be with your boss.”

Sophie thanked the dean and followed her stepmother to the car. Her stepmother glanced over and gasped.

“Sophie, don’t use an X-Acto knife as I drive!”

“This project’s due in two weeks. I have two others due three days apart and another in three weeks. I have six weeks worth of work. I. Don’t. Have. Time!”

“Your professors aren’t giving you extensions?”

“That’s with the extension. The projects were due this week.”

“Sophie, don’t use the X-Acto knife in the car. If you cut yourself, we’ll have bigger problems.”

Sophie put the cover on the knife and gripped it against the material for her model. She could feel the seconds slipping between her fingers.

She couldn’t tell you how she finished her assignments other than coffee and cat naps. The two weeks after the meeting with her dean felt like a lucid dream.

Sophie closed her eyes as she waited for Lettie to pick her up from campus.

“Sophie,” Lettie shook her sister awake.

“You didn’t have to park. I would have found you,” Sophie mumbled half asleep.

“I called and you didn’t pick up.” She picked up her sister’s portfolio. “Let’s go. The security guard gave me ten minutes.”

“Mkay.”

“Sophie, you sound like a 78-year-old woman. Looks like you got your wish.”

“Hmm?”

“Don’t you remember before the dance?”

 _The dance?_ Blinking hurt. Ugh, Sophie was looking forward to blacking out. _The dance_. She remembered the sparkle of gold earrings and blue eyes.

“I probably wouldn’t remember my name if you asked me.”

“Oh my g---Why did we let you leave the house by yourself?”

 

+

 

The dean’s solution was a new studio.

A fresh start was probably for the best.

Lettie looked at the email. “They put you in the Waste,” she whispered so their stepmother wouldn’t hear.

“What?” Sophie responded.

Lettie rolled her eyes. “Do you even _go_ to this school? _The Waste?_ It’s where all the science labs are. You had to have a class there freshman or sophomore year.”

“Hampshire?”

“Everyone else calls it the Waste, Sophie. It’s on the other side of campus.”

Sophie returned to her magazine. “It’ll get Mother off the dean’s back.”

“We might as well put a mattress in your studio.”

It took Sophie fifteen minutes to get to Wilshire Campus Center and twenty minutes to get to the Arts building from her new studio.

 _Somehow, my punishment continued,_ she thought bitterly. She barely saw her classmates and soon stopped receiving invites to grab coffee or restock on art supplies before a Studio assignment.

Lettie started to call it her exile.

Sophie didn’t mind.

Her studio window ran along the length of the room. Lettie guessed it was an old office facilities staff converted. There was a desk mounted along the window and one stool that was joined by two other.

“Where did you get these?” Sophie examined the bright orange stools.

“Don’t worry about it.” Lettie put the original stool next to the door and put her bag on it. She looked around. “At least this studio gets light.”

“I like it. It’s grown on me.”

“Apparently, Howl’s a chem major.”

Sophie looked up from her lunch and frowned. “So?”

“Remember, this is the building for the science labs. You’ll probably run into him soon.”

“When did you become such a gossip? Are you sure you don’t want to switch to a journalism major? You’d be great as the anchor for Lettie News Network.”

“Ha ha, Sophie. I’m perfectly happy as a business major. Just giving you a warning. STEM majors are weird.”

“I’m taking a stupid math requirement. I’m very aware about the oddities of the _practical_ majors.”

“Oh boy, sounds like they found out you’re an arts major.”

Sophie slammed down her fork. “Can you believe them? Those snot nose little _freshmen_. ‘ _You don’t look like an arts major_.’ Can you believe them?”

Lettie’s mouth was a tight line. She played with her hair. “Well, Sophie. There are all types of art students. But you look,” she turned her head to the side, “frumpy?”

Sophie looked down at her turtleneck and the midi corduroy skirt she wore. She frowned. How dare those snot-nosed freshmen corroborate what her sister had been saying for years.

“What do those nerds know about style anyway?”

“Well…,” Lettie drawled her eyes sparkling. “We could always change your look.”

Sophie’s eyebrows drew together in suspicion. “What do you have in mind?”

 

+

 

Sophie turned her head from side to side, examining her features with her new hairstyle. The Hatter sisters got their eye for aesthetics from their late father. Sophie created and Lettie styled.

The silver Lettie picked for her sister was gorgeous. Some strands seemed to glisten and the color made her brown eyes pop.

Their stepmother quirked her mouth after Lettie finished. “I know we always joke about it, but she really does look like Grandma Sophie now.”

Lettie gasped. “Oh, no,” dread threaded through her realization.

Mother gathered up hair off Sophie’s shoulders. “How about we cut it?”

 

What had Howl called her?

Starlight?

That’s what her hair looked like now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Sophie's hair ](http://ghosts.tumblr.com/post/61588245555)  
> 


	2. the waste

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is shorter than the others

Those nerds wouldn’t have the last laugh. 

Sophie had a midterm coming up in Math and _she_ wouldn’t be the reason why their class average was down.

Her tutor said to meet in Waste Room 4015.

“Hi, I’m Michael, but go by Markl. Are you Sophie?”

She nodded. She was expecting, someone shorter, a child. He carried himself like a professor.

“Ok.  Based on your quiz, it seems like you have a good grasp of the class, but you’re getting tripped up on some pretty minor things which is good news for you .” Markl sat down and pulled out the textbook. “Let’s go over some exercises.”

Sophie sighed in relief after an hour. “Why can’t the underclassmen in my class be as kind as you?”

Markl laughed.

“I’m serious!” she smiled.

“It’s getting late.” He glanced out the window. “Do you live on campus?”

“No, I drove.”

He frowned. “Where did you park?”

“Lot 12”

“I have another tutoring session in five minutes otherwise I’d walk you over.”

“It’s ok.” Sophie started packing up. “I make the walk all the time.”

The wrinkles in Markl’s forehead didn’t smooth out. “Hold on,” he pulled out his phone and brought it to his ear. “Howl?”

Sophie froze.

“Can you walk someone to her car?...Thanks Sophie will wait in the lobby of the Waste for you.”

“Markl, it’s  really  not necessary.”

Markl gave her a look. “Two minutes, Howl. Put a period on whatever you’re typing. Hit save and meet her in the lobby.” He hung up. “C’mon, Sophie. It’s dangerous.”

“There’s a campus security office on every block,” she argued.

“He’s already on his way. He’s such a diva when you drag him away from his research. He might as well walk you.”

Sophie couldn’t hear her footsteps or the rest of what Markl said. She felt the fabric digging into her palm as she held onto her bag.

_Why?_

“Markl, hi!” A redhead waved entering the building.

“Hey, Isabelle.” Markl turned to Sophie, “This is my next student. I’ll catch you later. He should be here soon. Good night, Sophie."

“Good night,” Sophie smiled waving. She waited until the elevator door closed before bolting towards the front door. She looped keys between her fingers and began speed walking.

She heard someone behind her.

She whirled around to spook them.

“Whoah Brass Knuckles!” Howl put up his hands  defensively . “Markl said you needed someone to walk you to your car. Didn’t realize he was serious about the clock running.”

“Oh, sorry.” Sophie shoved her hands into her pockets. The cold seared against her blush. She kept walking.

“Sophie, right?”

“Yes. Howl?” _As if she didn’t know._

“The one and only.”

Sophie welcomed the silence.

“What class is Markl tutoring you on?”

She screamed  internally . “Math 121.”

“You’re a freshmen?”

“No, I  just  put it off.”

Howl laughed and Sophie looked at him.

“What?” She scowled.

“Most people try to get math out of the way.”

“Math 121 conflicted with this studio course my advisor bypassed me into.”

“So you chose a studio over math.”

Sophie glared at the space ahead of her. “Math 121  is offered  twice a year, every year. The Monet study class was with a visiting professor. But, by all means, I’m a stupid arts major, who is super impractical and loves to starve. Why stop to enjoy the roses when you can reverse engineer one?” Sophie couldn't hear the sharp silence over her heartbeat. _This again!_

Howl’s voice creaked, “I’m sorry that people have made you feel that way. We should live in a world for both. I was teasing but I see it was in poor taste, my apologies.”

Sophie glanced at him. “Apology accepted,” she mumbled.

Silence blanketed them again as they finished the walk to her car. _Finally_.

“Thank you Howl.” She unlocked the car and sat inside.

“My pleasure. Get home safe.”

Sophie closed her door, starting the car. When she heard a knock on the window, she looked over at Howl and rolled down her window.

“Oh and Sophie?”

“Yes?”

“I love the hair.”


	3. the cleaning lady

Markl asked Sophie to meet in the Chemistry tutoring center. He needed to be available in an emergency and got called away in the middle of tutoring.  
“You can sit at the Howl’s desk. I’ll be right back.”  
  
Sophie reached across the desk and pulled out a highlighter. She underlined some parts of her reading. She began to put the highlighter back when she realized markers, highlighters, and pens were all over the desk. She began to arrange them in a penholder according to color.  
  
“What do you think you’re doing?”  
  
Sophie jumped up, straightening her back. She whirled around to the voice.  
  
Howl was bent forward, looking at his desk.  
  
“I was organizing. This makes more sense.”  
  
“To you,” Howl took what was in her hands back, placing them back where they were. “I have a system.”  
  
Sophie bristled. “Sorry.” She moved out of his way.  
  
“Oh, Howl. Sorry if I knew you were coming back, I’d have ask Sophie to sit somewhere else,” Markl closed the door behind him.  
  
“It’s fine. We’ve come to an agreement.”  
  
Sophie rolled her eyes. In the month of tutoring, she’d barely run into Howl. He kept floating in and out and Sophie couldn’t figure out if she wanted him to stay or go.

Howl found her in the library.  
  
Sophie frowned at him as he made himself comfortable at her table. He was doing it again: invading her personal space, acting as if they knew each other.  
  
“I’m avoiding a meeting with my advisor,” he mentioned.  
  
“You’ve got to be joking with me.”  
  
“She scares me half to death.”  
  
“Howl, you’re what 23, 24?”  
  
“24.”  
  
“And you’re afraid of your research advisor?”  
  
“I’m afraid I’ll disappoint her.”  
  
Sophie raised an eyebrow.  
  
Howl continued, “She has really high hopes for me.”  
  
“Well, you can’t exactly meet them if you don’t do anything.”  
  
He shrugged, opening his laptop.  
  
“Go to your meeting.” _And leave me alone so I can study._  
  
He ignored her.    
  
“So you’re just not going to go?” Sophie gaped at him. “You have a year left in your program...What do I have to do? Walk you there like your first day of kindergarten.”  
  
“Will you?” Howl bolted up.  
  
“Will I what?” Sophie recoiled back.  
  
“Walk me there.”  
  
Sophie paused, unsure if he was pulling her leg. “Okay,” she responded with hesitation.  
  
He began putting his things away.  
  
She exhaled in defeat, clearing her things. “Lead the way.”  
  
If Sophie thought Howl was lying, the waves of nervous energy coming off of him corroborated his story.  
  
“Isn’t it just a check-in?”  
  
“It is.”  
  
“Aren’t you on schedule?”  
  
“I am.”  
  
“So why are you worried”  
  
“Some stones should stay unturned. I don’t want to be pushed in a direction I don’t want to go in. I chose to go into Chemistry because of how close it was to magic. There’s so much good that can come from unlocking these mysteries, figuring out spells…” His face grew dark. “Somethings should be left alone. The school has this relationship with the Department of Defense and I’ve had professors introduce me to personnel and...I never want to be a part of a plot to take human lives. I’m afraid one day I’ll walk into a meeting and I’ll be up against the wall.” His tone shifted, mimicking someone, “Our most promising student, an asset to our country.”  
  
“Can’t you plead your conscience?”  
  
“In theory.”  
  
“Isn’t theory right up your alley, Mr. Scientist?”  
  
Howl laughed, throwing his head back, “You got me there.”  


+  


“How was the last meeting?” Markl opened a container of steamed rice and started dividing it between Howl, Sophie, and himself. Sophie and Howl continued unpacking the Chinese takeout.  
  
“Had my good luck charm, so it went well.” Howl winked at Sophie, who snorted and rolled her eyes.  
  
“Oh boy Sophie.” Markl groaned. “How do you put up with it?”  
  
“You guys started feeding me and giving me coffee. I’m impossible to get rid of now.”  
  
“We’d never let you go!” Howl leaned forward grinning.  
  
Sophie had to remind herself that his eyes only sparkled more because Howl died his hair black.

'My professor take me more serious like this.'  
  
_Only because his hair was different, right._  
  
Lettie had midterms around the corner and trusted Sophie’s new friends would be decent fill-ins.  
  
Instead of listening to Business department gossip or what happened at the coffee shop Lettie worked at, Sophie did her art homework to chemistry fun facts and mini research presentations.  
  
This was the latest one about Howl’s compost experiment.

  
+  


_Of all the meetings to be late.  
_  
Sophie huffed crossing her arms.  
  
She pulled her phone and sent him several texts. Her knees bounced up and down.  
  
She checked both sides of the hallway. She sighed again. Howl was close to being ten minutes late.  
  
Sophie knocked on the door.  
  
“Come in.”  
  
She followed the instructions. “Hello Dr. Sulliman.”  
  
“Yes?” The older woman appraised Sophie.  
  
Sophie felt her corduroy overalls threw a neon “Unpolished” over her head. “Doctor Sulliman, hello. My name is Sophie. I’m Howl’s friend. He’s running late and I didn’t want you to think he’s skipping his meeting.”  
  
Dr. Sulliman pressed her lips together in a line and turned to her computer.  
  
“Howl should be here soon,” Sophie blurted. “He was telling me about his last experiment and I’m sure you’ll find it fascinating. He’s really passionate about plants. I didn’t even think you could make a connection between chemistry and plants but the biochemistry bridge Howl explained really put it all together. What pun did he use again? Something about a blossoming bridge because it was still kinda new.” Sophie chuckled. “I’m sure you know this but he’s really good at, I mean he’s very skilled in breaking down big science concepts. Howl didn’t patronize me because I’m not in the sciences and avoid showing me what he’s working on or discovered. And he makes it super accessible. But it’s still so amazing.”  
  
Dr. Sulliman raised a hand. “Howl’s appoint was actually rescheduled for 2:45 not 2:30.”  
  
_Oh_. Sophie felt her face burn as the blush marched across her cheeks.  
  
“But, I see Howl has some good friends. We’ve been wondering who has been getting Mr. Pendragon to show up to his meetings. We sort of figured it was a person who caught Howl’s eye he was trying to mature for.” Dr. Sulliman leaned forward and rested her chin on her bridged fingers. “But, I never imagined flighty Howl would enamor such a practical girl. Blossoming, bloom, an apt word for your relationship. I’ve seen your disposition towards Howl change.” The older woman smiled, “You’re in love.”  
  
Sophie couldn’t breathe. Her ears started ringing. “I’m sorry. You must--”  
  
“Sulliman!” Howl opened the office door. “You won't believe what my freshmen did in lab today. Next year we’re going to _crush_ Ingary U in the state competition. Oh! Sophie.”  
  
“I was just leaving!” She shot up clutching her bag to her body. “I mixed up the times. I’ll let you finish. Goodbye Dr. Sulliman.”  
  
“Goodbye dear. Do consider what I said.”  
  
“Later Soph.”  
  
“Bye,” she squeaked.


	4. all of that's different now

_Infatuated with Howl?_ Sophie snorted. _Nonsense_.

She emphasized her resolve sharply leading her paintbrush against the canvas.

It didn’t matter that she sat straighter when Howl walked into the room or found his jokes funny or liked that he dyed his hair black and concluded they _would_ look cuter together now that his hair was black. (Blond and silver didn’t really go together.)

UGH.

Sophie pushed back away from her desk. She stretched her legs seeking something else to think about other than the accusation she was in love with Howl.

Her phone buzzed.

“Hello Markl?”

“Hey Sophie. Sorry to bother you but did Howl leave his jacket in your studio?”

Sophie looked up and saw the black bomber on the counter. “Yes.” _Gosh please no. I can’t be alone with Howl._

“Are you doing anything? I’m in Room 5007 waiting for Howl. Do you mind bringing it?”

Sophie’s face burned. “Sure.” _It’s not like you’re infatuated._

 _You can do this Hatter,_ she assured herself. She grabbed the jacket. The feather design along the sleeves caught the light and reflected iridescent colors. _In and out. You’ll survive._

Sophie took the elevator to the 5th floor.

Markl looked up at the opening door. “Thanks Sophie! You’re a lifesaver. Howl asked me to grab it but my last tutoring session ran over. You know he’s a prima donna.” He rolled his eyes.

“No problem!” She laid it on the chair beside Markl. She waited a beat before blurting, “I’ll be going then.”

He nodded already back to his work. “Later Sophie.”

“Later.”

The thudding in Sophie’s chest receded. She let out a sigh as she got off the elevator on her floor. _That wasn’t so bad. You let the moment get the best of y—_

 

_Didn’t I close my studio door behind me?_

Sophie clenched her fist and stomped towards her room. _If the Dean thought Mother was livid before, wait until she hears about this._

She pushed open the door.

“Oh,” her fingers slipped from the handle and fell to her side.

There was so much color. Sophie looked at the flowers, the cacti, the plants, walking into her studio. She cupped one blossom in her hand.

“Doooooo you like it?

Sophie turned around.

Howl stood on her studio’s threshold leaning his cheek against his palm and his elbow against the doorframe. He grinned mischievously.

Sophie blinked. “This is for me?”

“Of course! Who else would it be for?”

“Why, what are they for?” She brought her hands together in front of herself. The colors were suddenly too much. Her thoughts too much.

_This could all go wrong. Your hopes up for what?_

“For all your help. Markl says I don’t thank you enough.” Howl stepped into her studio and fiddled with one of the flowers. “I didn’t want you to think I didn’t appreciate you. My professors and students have mentioned a marked improvement since you’ve taken up this informal assistant role. I can’t thank you enough.” He took another step closer.

 _Right Sophie. You’re just helping him get organized_.

“But, I appreciate our relationship, too. I want to be clear about that. how much I enjoy your company.” Howl was an arms length away. The rational voice in Sophie’s voice called for quiet wanting to see what he would do. But, her tongue couldn’t stand the silence.

“Right. We’re such good friends,” Sophie looked out the window. _That’s what you were going to say, right?_

“So, I did need to make it clear.”

Sophie’s breath faltered. She pressed her hands further into her chest and began to turn away from Howl. Her shoulders felt like lead.

“Sophie,” Howl took her elbow before she could turn her back to him. “I’m not really sure how to say this and your body language is scaring me.”

Sophie let him turn her around. She looked up into his eyes.

“I’ve been running around the point.” Howl cleared his throat. Sophie will you go out with me this Saturday.”

Sophie blinked. The rational voice started chattering. “A date?”

“With you,” Howl nodded, reading her expression.

“Out of pity?” Sophie parroted the voice.

Howl frowned. She wasn’t sure how his expression made her feel. It felt different. “Why would I pity you?”

Sophie snorted, gesturing to herself, “Because I look— I dress like this. I don’t look like,” _Lettie_. Sophie shook her head. “I just—“

“Sophie, you’re beautiful.” Howl interrupted with conviction.

Sophie realized the room was a quiet. He was waiting for her response. The voice was gone.

Sophie decided the feeling was good.

“Yes, I’ll go on a date with you.”

 

+

 

Lettie wanted to meet Howl. “He better come soon. My break is only so long and I want to have enough time.”

Sophie checked her phone. “He should be here soon.”

“I’m kinda shocked you’re so calm about this. The night of the dance you were so fidgety after you met him.”

Sophie turned her head to the side and tucked hair behind her ear. “Yea.”

“It’s good! Growth.”

Sophie remembered Dr. Sulliman’s observation. _Blossom_.

“There you are. I’m sorry for the delay.” Sophie pivoted towards Howl. He winked at her.

“You better not be late to my sister’s date.”

“Lettie!” Sophie spun back.

“No, she’s right.” Howl leaned on the back of Sophie’s chair.

“Are you going to sit?” Sophie sighed, realizing she’d have to play referee.

The moment Howl sat down, Lettie launched her interrogation.

Sophie’s eyes bounced back and forth.

“Lettie, you have five minutes.”

“Thanks Phil.” Lettie’s smile to her manager disappeared as she narrowed her eyes at Howl. “What’s one thing you haven’t told Sophie that you should have?”

Howl nodded looking down. He raised his head and Sophie noted the red rising in his cheeks. The flush on his cheeks spread to his ears.

Sophie blinked. She never thought she’d see Howl ever be embarrassed.

_Maybe I don’t want to hear this._

She began to open her mouth, to let him off the hook.

“I-” Howl chuckled. He brought a hand to the back of his neck. “I’ve ha-I have commitment issues. Not only with my doctorate work but in my relationships, too. That’s how I got my reputation. I wasn’t going out of my way to hurt anyone but that doesn’t mitigate their feelings.

“Dodging every thing felt like the best way. And you might not believe me but I want to work to get better. I want Sophie to have full confidence that I will fight for her. I want to be my best. Sophie pushes me to be my best.” Howl looked away chuckling. “I should have told her that a while ago.”

Lettie nodded once. “You better or I’ll make sure wish you had disappear. I’ll leave you two to it. My break’s over.” She stood up and fastened her apron back on. She patted her sister’s head on her way to the counter.

Sophie felt butterflies sparring in her stomach when Howl looked at her.

“Do you mind if we go somewhere quieter to talk?”

She nodded and followed him. Her mind searched for something to say.

Howl brought them to a dining area on campus.

“You’re awfully quiet,” Howl chuckled, wiping his palms on his pants. “Are you okay?”

“I think I’m in shock.” Sophie said, her voice quavered.

“Uh, I don’t…” Howl pushed hair out of his face. “Did I make you uncomfortable?”

“No! I just…It’s a lot. You like me.”

“I do.”

She stared at him.

He stared back. It was how Sophie imagined sculptures looked at their marble. But, he hadn’t unearth her from formless stone. No. He was a student appreciating a masterpiece wondering how could there be such beauty in the world. It was the way she looked at pieces in museums.

Sophie remembered something her stepmother said. _Sophie you create your own beauty and one day someone will want to study it._

“Oh.”

Howl was the first to truly study it.

“Oh?” Howl repeated, smirking. “It’s why I want to take you on a date, silly.”

“I suppose that’s how it goes.”

He smiled and Sophie smiled back. “I suppose indeed, partner.”

 

+

 

Howl took her to a botanical garden. He chuckled when Sophie asked for twenty minutes to do quick sketches. He would make little notes about each one as Sophie sketched.

“Wow you like flowers a lot. Have you considered a career in it?” Sophie smiled as Howl laughed.

“One or two people may have mentioned it to me.”

Sophie closed her sketchbook, putting it away. “Okay. What’s next?”

Howl offered her his arm. “Let’s find out.”

She found it all to be a little surreal. The warmth of the air, the colors, and Howl. Soon flowers would grow in their footsteps. She chuckled at the thought, taking his arm. “Lead the way.”

 

+

 

Howl shoved his hands into the pockets of his bomber. “I don’t know. It feels really anti-climatic to just drop you off at your studio.”

Sophie shrugged opening the door. “I have that huge assignment due Monday. I don’t have a choice. Spending weekends in studio, such is the life of an Visual Arts major.” She said with a mock sigh. “What did you have in mind Mr. Pendragon?”

“Shouldn’t I be walking you home?”

Sophie turned to him and rolled her eyes. “Oh boy, my stepmother would love it. I can already see her spying through the window to see if we kiss.” She prepped her studio space.

“She’s not here now.”

Sophie creased her forehead. “Mm-yea. This is my studio. Why would she be here?”

“Sophie.”

She looked at Howl. “Yes?”

When she wasn’t looking, Howl bridged the gap between them. He held her gaze as he lifted her chin. “May I kiss you?”

Every period romance her stepmother and sister made her watch flashed before her eyes. _When did I enter a fairytale?_ She glanced at his lips. “Yes.”

Nothing would prepare her for the way his kiss felt like a sparkler. She held his jacket and pressed a little closer. She craved this warmth.

“Do you _have_ to do this project?” Howl said against her lips.

“Yes, unfortunately.” Sophie pulled away. She loosened her grip on his jacket. “But you could wait here with me while I worked.”

Howl placed his hand over the hand holding on to him “You have no idea how long I’d wait for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [my Pinterest board for this AU](https://www.pinterest.com/fabba_gabba/hmc-college-au)


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